ah looming victory.
maybe
i don’t know. it could be shit but who cares at this point. (well till the realisation kicks in)
i could be broke ass by the end of next week and living under the bridge, i actually don’t care anymore.

this is the last week for me that will leave me in anxiety – waiting for results for endless things but they are never the less important
but mostly i think it’s because i decided i couldn’t take the shit from the douche anymore and ran for it

baby is happy to see i got a backbone and ran for it when i saw the door barely opening for my escape hahaha i have always been a sucker to my work as in i work too hard… but nah..nahhhhhhh…i have to start all over again…ahahha

btw pls persevere in job hunting…it gets a bit daunting but don’t give up…somehow you’ll make it…i’m still looking despite being up and down but it doesn’t matter…

ok rubbish aside,
i <3 paramore..omg la..last week friday i ended up chillin with chuchu and we ended up at ray's house playing guitar hero and and and…and..i first heard paramore (lol nub) and and and..fell in love with itttttttttt…….awesome songs…. so i'ma blast it out loud today when i clean the house and get on to get ready to go to work ;p

i realised i ever only type on mondays now
i think it's cos i wake up super early and well rested (i slept for 25 hrs straight yday -__-) and with a lot of things to do and think to tackle the week and make myself want to live until the end of saturday
but after next saturday
i will be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

FUCK YEAH

some people think it’s funny to make me their muse
what can be “oh so interesting” bout me is beyond me other than i am just another lazy bum who likes waking up late and procrastinate all over.

something bout this summer makes me feel apprehensive yet alive. i know. terrible juxtaposition (for the lack of a better word) been going out looking more summery these days because 1) ran out of clothings 2) cbf – getting lazier

but been getting stares. WHAT? there’s more skankier people out their in their sun dress. i still have a jacket on. -_- (*rolls eyes* it’s always all bout me*/rolls*)

anyway read this
kinda true v.eracio.us’s i think i know why and today’s good read would fall to pinky’s anecdote the rice stealing mouse … wonder what my own grandma is doing….i miss her food..everyday surely got different soup and rice and all my favourite food and side of home cooked belacan…brings back memories man…i might visit her soon-we have on/off r.ship in the sense sometimes she favours my sibling moar than me o.0″
(it’s ok..i favour my sibling also lmao…we have a weird r.ship between us…)

also kinda funny when mai grandma likes to nag and then sometimes just swap personality and go rigid like my mom..but boi..can they nag…i think i have that tendencies too…

week’s been looking good but i suspect murphy’s out to destroy it some way, some how. well, i don’t have high hopes so i guess if i fall, i won’t feel so bad anyway.

i have a lot of work to do. mostly unpaid work (as always) hopefully they will eventuate to something. someone reminded me to get my portfolio going…ah…my skillz so rusty i don’t even bloody remember what is the basis of an action script…6 yrs too long man…

i might go for a hair cut. i want it short. and with med. curves.i wanna do it like that thai wig i saw. awesomeness.
but.oh well. subjected to approval by the other half since he has to look at me most of the time LMAO

have a good week ahead guys ^ ^

omg la
i may get to go back to asia for internship for a bit
haahahah
if i go back,
i may have to work like hell but it will be worth it cos money + food + shopping
but i hope it won’t be for too long cos i think i will feel withdrawal. hopefully baby can take leave
but if not i will be by myself for a bit *Cries*
but maybe he will join me like australia~~ weeeeee

but cannot raise hopes too high cos if timing not right
i prob will not go

btw
omg la
it’s who you know and not really what you know to land you a job
i’m done applying for jobs
in the end
i put mai tail under my feet and go ask the ppl whom i don’ want to ask cos later they think
i am incapable of surviving myself but pride don’t matter when you gotta make ends meet.
i honestly do not want to touch my savings but i will be dying soon
so i better loose the pride
besides i don’t want to live off baby so i don’t care

sorry i haven’t been back here for a bit
very busy thinking of a lot of things
and looking for place
and and and
sitting for just too many exams
i might actually die from strenuous stress lmao
but it’s ok
I WILL PREVAIL

i only have 3 more yrs to be workaholic before i become boring house wife
lolz
more like hassled house wife managing a noisy house -__-
dogs cats fish every where -__-
i might be so dumbfucked i’d do gardening also….
crazy

life has been swell but it’s not swell but it will be getting there shortly.
i’m done working for the douchebag and i’ve already let him know i am not tolerating his shit anymoar
cos i don’t give a fuck anymore and besides i’ve not been feeling too well..to much panic attacks
sux ballz

ah well hope ya’ll who still have exams, do well
those of you won’t don’t have a great summer.
hopefully this time next yr i will be somewhere else but here with baby ^ ^

i’m listening to queen and yui.
weird combo but what the heck.
i’ve cheered up from my emo-ness yday
and whatever happens happens

finally
i got some more free lance jobs
but again
IT’s NOT ENOUGH but oh well
shitty time in the world to look for jobs

hmmm my free hosting is back
but i don’t really know what to do with it
anyway
i start work monday.

so this year is truly not my year
i’ve resigned to the fact that whatever comes, comes
whatever happens, happens and i can’t do much but
to accept it
even if i begrudgingly do

but i think my depression will just get worst and worst
as i try to struggle to stay on the top
but somehow
i am also finding peace that i can accept the things that i normally cannot accept

if.
we’re fated to die young
nothing i can do bout it anymore
except to just live through it and live a happy life and make everyone happy

i guess i feel a bit sad when i saw my mom’s email bout rouge genes
and i feel like not wanting to much about it and go get tested out for many things
main culprit would be cancer
for some reason
my mom said sorry and you know
i never once thought it was her fault that i have these genes

it’s just because
our body is like that
i don’t really care anymore and if i die i die
i dont’ want treatment
i don’t want anything
i don’t want medications anymore
i do not want to go to hospitals
i spent most of my childhood in and out of the hospital
i am sick and done with it

it’s not your fault
don’t worry
but for some reason when my mom said
“i’m sorry my dear girl”

i just thought of what my mom was thinking when she wrote that email to me
must’ve been more hard for her
but you know it’s good
she has children even though she couldn’t have them
she had 4 but only me and the sibling survived hahaa

i’m listening to john mayer’s no such thing
and am contemplating some facts of life
but i’m kinda wondering if i should jus up and leave
considering
i have the genes where i am not able to have kids
i also am most likely to not see my 45th birthday now
and i will most likely die of cancer with no cure or treatment.
basically it’s the brains one where i will die anytime

ah…i am not sure why i want to write it here
i think nobody should be burdened with these looming sad thoughts of my impending death

but it’s ok
i am finally happy

i will rest in peace.
somehow i know
but i am contemplating very much if i should be like a dog leaving for the woods
i don’t want him to be sad
i don’t want him to cry
i don’t want him to feel grief
i rather he felt angry and it would’ve been easier to move on

i am sorry
ever since you’ve known me
it’s been one helluva ride.
i am very sorry.
i can only think of your grief and unhappiness.

now aside from daunting things
i need to think of what to do in the summer?
work here or go internship back in asia.
if go internship in asia, life is going to be nothing but great
hahahhahaha
hong kong and msia and singapore.
omfg.
but it will be 3 months away from everyone.
that’s the drawback.
or should i stay back and study.

decisions decisions
btw
i’m having a lot of mindless dreams
most of them got to do with pregnancy -___-
i’m just too young for that shit but
if
if let say i need to have a kid before i am totally fucked (genes wise as mentioned above i most likely cannot have kids 80% chance)
i guess
it’s telling me to have one now ?!?!?

omg
i know he will want one now if it’s a race against time
T_T
life is just too weird for me at the moment.

morning people
tuesday morning

long weekend has just passed. how did you guys fare?
i did nothing but eat, sulk, get angry and play games hahaah so it was almost good.
anyway long week ahead.
lotsa work to catch up.

did you guys enjoy chocolate day at giapo?
anyway i certainly did xD

hmmm i was thinking of what to say but i really have too much i want to say but i cannot say
so i’ll just leave it with some of my thoughts.

i really like the fact that i can show affection whenever i want where ever we are and he also does the same
it’s like we don’t need to hide or downplay it our affections for each other
it really feels special when he just pulls me near even if we’re in a social gathering and he’ll give me a peck on my head or my cheek
ahhhh it’s really blissful, this feeling
sometimes he can sense i am nervous and i feel out of place but it will be ok
because he knows exactly when to grab my hand and hold it tightttttttttttt and then smile and that is the signal that everything is going to be ok

also
am lucky things are getting better with my parents
but i really dislike the fact that they’re trying to stuff me to gain weight
i can only eat so much ne o.0

friends, today is chocolate day at GIAPO at QUEEN STREET AUCKLAND CITY so head on down and get some cos it’s definately awesome. while i can’t eat ice cream atm cos i am sick, i hope ya’ll enjoy this for me.

been 10 days since i last posted
what happened.

so that weekend on the 10th i went for drinks with the boys..wuz pretty funny cos of a “Departed” moment but it’s all good XD

then baby made me breakfast, lunch and dinner for 2 solid days and we started playing games p2p together again and then umm i forgot but all we did was just eat hardout on mai birthday. was supposed to go clubbing again the following weekend but end up, cbf. i slept until sunday to go eat with my parents. they want to feed me but don’t want me to move back XD *win* so far many good food and thankfully no akward questions XD well not like he’ll lemme go back anyway xD

anyway as i was saying
did you know, budget fruit loops taste like fake fruit loops?t does because we went to the supermarket and then wanted to buy some but it was out..so ended up with home brand…sigh….but after a while, i guess it will be in line.

oh yeah
crazy noodles is looking for someone to work as their waitress/waiter. if you can read chinese and write it faster than me, then pls go find mr Aw in new market.

also, i sprained my neck cos i was a bit retarded but it’s all good now. one more week to school and hello one week break and SUMMER SCHOOL! DAM WIN liao.NOT

nothing much significant has happened but i have a feeling i might die earlier than expected.how can i be so blase about this? i don’t know either but it seems due to a hereditary thing i might have to go in for a proper test because i am showing signs of that and my uncle just picked it up from my rants. i guess i’m lucky number 1 for my generation.

and btw
if you have too much migraine often enough
it probably isn’t migraine.
it’s something much more worst an you need to check it out. it’s like a time bomb and i could possibly have it until results come back.

if we die we die..i’m so blas..
someday somehow, everyone dies anyway
but i will be sad to leave the people behind…
i also did say if one of us had to die first, wished it’ll be me so i don’t die of a broken heart right after him.but either way i’ll probably be broken hearted and will never recover. i know this so.

so the weather forecast was a sham
there was really not much of a rain, let alone storm … -__-
and my weekend plans were duly crushed because of weather, fatigue and douchebag ala aznboss.
lmao i am kinda dreading it every time he cooks curry cos it’s always kinda weird
last nite butter chicken was insanely watered down
but never mind la since i hold the rule that if you don’t know how to cook curry even when instructions is given, you shouldn’t be cooking at all….don’t try to improvise if you don’t even know the basis of cooking a decent simple curry and best part, IT’S INSTANT…no wonder you’re a douchebag..you cook this meal so many times and you haven’t gotten it right…. sigh…you really should just leave cooking to the people who can actually cook… -_-’ and stop mutilating my intestines….no wonder i just eat sauce and rice…

i went out to drinks anyway wif PST, Chuuchuuu and rayray because we were all in the same hood
aahahahahah
btw i found a really nice msian food place to eat aye,…albeit cooked by dodgy singaporeans but it was the best mee goreng i ever ate and so cheap, i’m going back today to eat breakfast and subsequently until something bad happens ie commercialised or sold out or etc…i will be going back at least every week. the drawback is, it only accepts cash and since i hate to carry cash…
but never mind..so dam good, it’s almost like the mamak..
the environment also, sadly, like the mamak but the mamak stall is cleaner in sense the taukeh always turnover tables faster lmfao and tables are always clean…

thenn after they left. i went to play magic beans
lmao so dam funny ok!!! but i didn’t win anything tonite
and then we continue drinking and i went home to sleep and totally forgot bout my assignment that is due today at midnight.
lmao

word count : 0

AHAHHAAHAHAHAHAH
i’ma die but first , i’m gonna g3t breakkie and then go collect bday present
and then come back and mug my books like no tomorrow….

btw thank you for the wishes chuuuchuu XD
oh um i think i’ll send u the pix instead of uploading it here XD
nobody will ever witness yours and PST’s lengchaizness and it will be wasted here : )

manga of the week: GS Mikami (actually i’ve been reading it like crazy)
anime of the week: FMA and Kindaichi Shounen no Jikenbo – Young Kindaichi case files….XD dam old school liao

note: the more i watch these anime, the more humour i see in life – in terms of ppl’ actions and it’s quite funny when u see their expression ..like life imitates art. XD

so last post looked like spam of some of the good deals i thought was happening
but i have more good news XD and good deals
btw i’m not paid to endorse them
i paid for all the stuff myself (the worst thing bout having someone sponsor you is that if you don’t like it, you have to like it because they paid for you to like it…so i might as well pay for it myself and i get to write whatever it is they had to offer)

anyway up until this weekend (i think)
the cut above academy has a very sweet promo going on
if you like massages because a back and thigh/leg(have to check i forgot) massage cost only $50 and with this promo, the academy’s beauty and spa dept is giving away free sauna treatments….

btw
i went for my facial yesterday and i fell asleep again
best ever 40 minutes of my life because after the facial i had a massage
and they really have the hand of a goddess…..

so if you like to relax and want to treat yourself at a very cheap price, head on there
and you can quote my name to get discounts~~ how not good is that?

anyway
i went to the meetup yesterday and boy were the a bunch of funny and interesting individuals.
but i guess i’m going anti social and cannot mix well anymore
i’m gonna hang up the cape over the weekend when i turn 24 next week
partay is apparently happening on saturday
but that depends on the weather
and whether baby and i are actually bothered to leave the house later in the evening
(we have this bad habit of once we go home we won’t go out until the next time we need too… -_-)

anyway giapo’s icecream on queen street is nice : )
i still prefer the gelato at the ferry terminal in downtown because it’s more smoother and it’s not uberly sweet
but giapo is still awesome never the less…for $7, the cone is so big and like double scoops..WTF how not cheap is that? anyway if you go and become a regular, you can join the giapo familia’s wall : )
cheap and good and designered. oh yeah!!!
they’re italians btw! so go on in and flex your italiannnnnnn~~~

i’ve been receiving presentssssssssssssss and it’s not my birthday yet!!!
sniff
thank you thank you thank you~~~
i’m madly in love with one of them my bf think i’m neglecting him -_-
sorry baby
but i’m sure my obsession will be over soon
i think i’m almost cured…..
waiting for results now…
well hopefully good news and on a better road to recovery
if i have to take medicine for the rest of my life
sigh…………………………………………………..

anyway have a good weekend ahead
i forgot everything i wanted to post -_- sigh..

if i don’t tag my hits goes down
lolz
actually i don’t even care since i have no adsense thingy

but anyway
whole of auckland having sale
the best i saw today was at st lukes mall – for shoes and jewellery.

kookai’s sale was just shit. same old stuff from the old sale…but this time their sale is more pricey than last…i went there a few months back and scored 2 tops for $15. STEALLLLLLLLL at KOOKAI ok? i only go in for sales cos it’s really not worth it.lol

then novo is having a cheap ass shoe sale for $25 for pointed shoes and peep toe shoes…i am thinking of going back to browse tomorrow XD but i gotta go to town and check it out.

all the jewellery stores are having saleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee……range of 30%-70%. DUDE CHEAP ASSSSSSSSS earings and bangles and rings. not my cup of tea cos the ones i like are never on sale *cries* or even if on sale, i can barely afford *cough*balmain watch and rings*cough* but if my wallet wasn’t wif the boi, i think i’d have bankrupted myself.

farmers HAVING MASSIVE SALE IN THEIR TOY dept and also the bed section (i didn’t buy any beds hahaha) but good deals going on man..EVERYTHING IN ST LUKES IS ON SALE…

the worst is the bagshop…STOP SELLING SHITTY GRANDMA LOOKING STUFF AND BRING BACK STUFF FROM 2 YEARS AGO!
i went to sylvia park on friday – so so bargains – i went into jayjays and got some cheap ass skinny jeans for $25. i need a wear and tear and throw away pair for randoms. no size 6 ladies so gotta deal with 8 and it’s comfy la. i look like punk boi but missing cap and piercings =\ but nvm. cheap ass and good!

there is a new shop that opened in the city.
it’s in the little high street area – pass by witcoulls. asian shop just opened selling cheap ass accessories..if you like those oversized key chains and hairbands and fauxprinted wallets, go there la XD

i went to the A&E yesterday and blew a big asshole into my wallet cos i needed medicine pronto (i sound like a druggie but alas, it’s true…no medication i think i might’ve not seen tomorrow)

actually i forgot where else but i went into these few selected stores…