human to err

ah
so the past is brought up again
i am suddenly reminded of something that happened last yr
it bugs me so because i never got an answer out of him.
(looking me up and not saying why; kept my friend wondering and kept me thinking, weird ppl)

and then one thing lead to another
another conversation has brought up the unavoidable
and i find myself thinking
excuses and explanations are pointless because the fact is
this party was wrong at some point and a wrong is a wrong
no matter how it is justified

walking down that aisle i wonder
if i should bring up the past
but then he, made a good point
i wasn’t digging a grave
i am digging out of an old grave

i kinda wonder what entails
but the olive branch and white flag is out
i want to make amends with her.
so

give me back a txt or a call
you know my number
that i am sure

Filed under: Uncategorized

teenagers and love

this is something i’ve been through
and i’m just thinking about it.

when we were kids
we found “love” and we thought it would last forever
how naive and innocent
yet how pure you know

lol then of course
honeymoon is over and shit just happens
kids will be kids
cannot expect kids to be adults unless they’re like those with compelling love stories and hardship with separation and loyalty.

seems fate doesn’t happen to us like that these days
what happened to playing with the neighbor’s son when we were 7 and then we made promises to be there for each other?
the next week, he moves or she leaves for another country.
and then 15 yrs later they meet by chance
and get married to fulfill their promise after a very arduous journey and then lived happily ever after?

hahaha life isn’t so i guess

we fight we break up
we kiss we make up
-katy perry

and then this one long cycle then we move on our separate paths…

ah well…instant true love
like one in a gazzilllion million chance i guess…

no point here. sunday rambles. my blog is dormant and i still haven’t uploaded any pix of my thai friend and mine escapades. she gonna cook me meal next week so it’s all good i guess to wait a while

oh i forgot to put up in an update
like i am going through a hard time but then i also dunno
seems like it will pass as this kinda shit seem to happen to a lot of ppl……well i am hoping it will pass and if it doesn’t i have to treat this like living in a prison……like as if i am self consoling.
even in the most basic generic form
i guess i want to stay alive for a little while longer
even if i have to crawl my way out of this hell…

but then i also dunno
if it’s worth this kinda trouble

i am troubled i know that’s for sure
but then
somehow when it’s bright
i feel the demons don’t come around that much
when it gets to the night part
that
pisses me off greatly
like people laugh and call this karma or retribution
but i think like
if the world revolved around that concept
then eventually, the first mistake and regrets everyone makes
will be trapped in that shitty bad karma cycle forever
until they stop i dunno being reincarnated
if they’re good
that doesn’t mean their next life is rewarding in the sense they won’t feel any form of sadness or hardship
if they’re bad, then how do they know they have to keep doing good even though they’re already bad
to get out of this cycle
when karma is
you reap what you sow?

so i guess
it’s just like a theme park
you pay a fee
you go in
you have fun
you sit on the wrong rides
you puke your guts out
or if the screw’s loose and your time’s up
you fall down from the roller coasters or the ferris wheel and you break a bone
or you die or become vegetable.
whatever it is
at some point
one must’ve gained some form of happiness
then go into the haunted house
we get goosebumps and feel fear
we go on rides and feel exciting
we get our fortunes told and it’s not very agreeable
we feel sad

etc..etc……..

so i don’t think this is karma or retribution
it’s just so happen
this
is
life.

i begin to understand myself a bit more everyday.

Filed under: Uncategorized

terrible tuesday

i had to endure an hour long lecture from a douchebag who told me i didn’t know what i was saying half the time.
hey genius, i didn’t even get to say much cos you were talking all the time.
i thank you considerably for thinking of my well being – giving advice as an older “sibling” but… everything else just doesn’t make sense.
but what do i know…i’ma fucking front liner. i know nothing.
since i am not getting paid to stand there and talk to you
i don’t think i need to consider you as my boss when we’re not at work during work hours

yeah..having lunch doing paperwork and trying to study and prepare mentoring stuff is no bundle of joy especially when the company is terrible. but too bad.
we share one fucking “work” desk…
(cos i spilled cold coffee in the carpet of my original work desk and it smells like crap and i have to air the room)

anyway
i like to reiterate this concept called initiative.
you can look it up in the dictionary but it just means extra effort to go the extra mile without being asked or told so.
people just do thing out of their own will and time.

my friend, that is what it means to be human.
you cannot force initiative out of someone
they must want to give it themselves
comes from within

i used to pester you and be so intuitive but you are a terrible mentor
and because of that
and the constant put down and self doubt
i am a bit apprehensive to approach you in fear of
being striped of whatever humanity that is left inside me
to want to go on with training.

thus
i am back at the library in school
trying to finish up and graduate
and run far far away from you
if i have to work with you in the future
i best be in a position where i can call some sort of shots
and legally advise you without incurring some form of failure

unlike some mediocre person you seem to take advice from these days

all the old people are leaving you to bite the dust.
good luck in your choice for the future.

having said that
i named the wrong bob and msg the wrong bob now the crummy old milkman thinks i’m asking him out to lunch
fuck this shit
i hope you have a good laugh at my expense chuuchuu and PST.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr

Filed under: Uncategorized

eating in panmure

last night was one of those rare moments i was dragged to eat dinner at panmure.
every time i go eat at that area, it’s by invitation only. i used to voluntarily go eat at sri puteri but not anymore because i don’t really like how they just shove my food on the table. i don’t remember any mamak shoving my food to my face but then again, because it is a mamak stall, so i don’t really care bout service and food is always good and cheap. but when i am paying 4 times the amount, i really expect something a bit more and also for the food in my dishes not to be skimmed so poorly. anyway doesn’t matter
i don’t go back anyway.

so aside from eating at the sri puteri,
often my boss and his friends(my co workers) would always eat around that area and they’re from china so they go eat at all these humble little china food inns….
so last night was one of those unfortunate nights i had to go makan with them
so off we went and again, another disappointment.

i mean the place was so so
it’s ok
i don’t care
but food was really too oily and we’re eating typical china food
buns and claypot soup
overly salted and not hot enough and just shit too oily and then
well they don’t really cure the meat properly so it kinda has that porky pork smell/stench
and then well
i have stomach problems again now
cos i don’t think the food is very clean.
so tellme,
in all honesty,

IS THIS A TYPICAL THING EATING IN PANMURE? cos EVERY TIME I AM DRAGGED THERE TO EAT
THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS *dies*

-_-

Filed under: Uncategorized

bed farter

so as you can tell from my title
i am in bed with someone who constantly farts in the bed
i am about to kick him out into the living room or at the floor
but sadly
the bed belongs to him
-____-

and he is even laughing his ass off as i write this…so disgusting this man arrr -___-

anyway
i’m pretty envious watching people my age getting engaged or getting hitched
(i just saw some OTT engagement proposal – friend’s cousin – zomg JEALOUS111 – until got dinner and helicopter ride to kltower and then got like banner and public proposal! but the funniest one i remember is the federal highway billboard proposal worth MYR40k++++ but nvm la…i just want that amount of money invest in my big fat rocks for years to come!!)

but they did say
GOOD THINGS COMES TO THOSE WHO WAIT
so..one day it will be my turn and the world will be dam jealous about it
LMFAO~!

well this is repayment for constantly farting in bed when i am sleeping or trying to sleep -_-”
(that’s right. if you’re gonna visit us and live with us, lol better not sleep on our bed ahahahaahha)

anyway don’t care
i wanted to really blog about Joyce Blok beauty product by my bf went and hijack the post title
i really like blogging when they SO knows about the blog and they also contribute cos i really think this is how it should be

what do you guys think?
have you used it?
it’s NZ made and own.
I actually love this. for the first time in my life i actually take more interest in my skin.
well i threw out all the supermarket stuff i used to buy
and after that first facial, it felt very very good.
and i could see that the blackheads were gone.
and then now
i have this OTT excitement where i can’t wait to wash my face day and night *hahahaha*

skin’s clearing up and feels quite rejuvenated and well
i’m starting to break out because the poison and toxins have to go out
it’s ok la..
i’m kinda hoping after 3 more session i will not have that much break out anymore and can have a bit better skin
before i turn 24 next month (less than a month*panic*)
really getting a bit paranoid turning a bit older and well
i am trying to hold onto the fact that i don’t need to put makeup (because everyone is used to my fugly face) but i really don’t like makeup because of the pores crap and also i can sleep in extra 25 minutes)
and also i want to age gracefully hahhahahahaha

so far so good but i can’t find much review on them except helluva lot of beauty school uses them so i think this is great
cheaper alternative to the dermatology brand but never the less, it’s effective. though i do like the dermatology brand stuff cos the results is also instantaneous….but whatever works now i will just go with it

anyway if you haven’t found a good facial place, the cut above salon in queen street (upstairs of the old dymocks) has opened a new beauty and spa section so pls check it out. their service is number one and no this isn’t a paid advertisement. i never get paid to do anything here because i believe if i pay for something myself, i can write if it’s good or bad. not obliged to sugar coat them *hahahahaha*

anyway i hope you guys have a great weekend while i go hide under a rock or something while i wait for the breakout to disappear…sigh…good luck and good night!

Filed under: Uncategorized

wednesdays

what productive day for me.
i slept in, well not quite.
then i went to school with the intention of studying and getting my assignment done
instead i went for facial, felt dam relaxed and happy and proud of myself and then went for a long walk back to school even though we’re in holidays
saw my mates
walked back down that tedious hill
went to lunch (that cheap azn place where everyone ‘tap toi’/”share tables”/tumpang table in downtown moved up to kiwi continental underground place, next door”)
i forgot it’s name but anyway, the last place on earth i’d go back, i went too because my friends said it wuz cheap. right.
had a shit lunch and then off to the bar for drinks because nobody wanted to study.

i love how there was nobody at shadows and how i was lying on the couch under teh fan because it was too darn hawrt..until my friends wanted to move to the corridor and sit under the bloody sun.

what, a productive day
we solved one problem of the assignment and that also i halfheartedly gave my friend the answer but she needs to look harder for it cos i also have to do my own assignment.

good thing is, she didn’t drag me to go shopping as i did a lot of damage at the facial place.. omg. feels so good to be pampered and the thing is, you need to find THE ONE beautician. i’m really happy and plus i got my brows done. you know, i really don’t care if i pay someone to do it cos when i do it myself, it hurts like a bitch.

anyway what good day
my assignment is still not done.

facial was really cheap though in comparison and i did go to a reputable place. but it’s best to save up and invest on a few things here and there. i’m feeling the age thingy happening. i turn 24 next month. yeah.

so little early birthday gift from baby and me to myself
hahahahahahaahahah

NDS time
btw, this new game called mini ninjas
dam cute hahahah

Filed under: Uncategorized

reopened

actually,
i’m not going to take this away. it’s too much work and i cbf.
if you are going to cross my road and give me a hard time, prepare to take a bowl of even bigger shit.

but i will be taking the story into a new point today
i will tell you the story of gundusami, chandrasamy and mutusamy.
these 3 names were chosen because they used to be the underdogs in the stories i used to sit and listen and laugh my ass off when i was a kid. gundusamy of course, was always the evil and heartless slave driver because gundu means something like idiot. lololol.

tell you guys the story of their lives when i have the time. right now i am falling asleep…..
i really think chandrasamy and mutusamy, though a common name like tom, dick and harry, they always prevail as winners in the funny msian cultural story with a moral behind or something something…i’d use abdul and mohammad but then i don’t really want shitty repercussions….i’m always using ching, chong and chen anyway so hahahaha

take a twist la..
and no, this isn’t a fucking racial thingy so if u want to make it like that, press the little x on the top right hand corner of your browser and leave.

baibai

Filed under: Uncategorized

suxs without peanut butter

i’m hungry but we ran out of peanut butter.
there’s like a big bottle of oversugared jam from foodtown but
a pbjam(no jelly available cos they dun sell the goober peanut butter here) sammie aint a sammie if it ain’t got no PEANUT BUTTERRRRRRRRRRRRRR

-_-
yesterday a guy walked in with reese buttercups shirt..
my friend was so excited she pointed out the “love of my life”
much to my boyfriend’s dismay and my -__- face!! X.X
i feel so happy lar cos my bf was at my workplace yday
hahahah he was just hanging around doing errands and i got to eat lunch with him
MUWAHAHAHAHa

i’m so bored and i can’t sleep at night..
i just woke up from my nap and i have nothing to do or read
haven’t bought a new book for ages…
right.
back to DS now.
only 30 minutes before i take medicine again

sianz
monsters gonna come out and play tonight I AM SURE!

happy weekend people

Filed under: Uncategorized

rawrrrrrrrrrr

i need sleep
i need sleep.

man i love the grey lynn surburbs..so dam nice and peaceful…
i was at a house with a view of the beach and everything nice and expensive.
the sun was perfect and the breeze was also even more perfect.

too bad
i couldn’t #$&%^*&*$# fall asleep.
shit la..i haven’t sleep for like many days now
i ish going to go madddddddddddddddddd
i am cranky but i can’t feel cranky but i know dam well i am cranky and this is frustrating
but who cares

tomorrow got forced to work
even though i’m still sick
-____-”
i have the worst kind of boss EVER
he will probably torture me tomorrow
is it any wonder when nobody can make it to their shifts, NOBODY WANT’S TO COVER?
you ever think bout it boss that nobody really likes you
and they give you a pile of shit?
lol

i remember you told me before. on my first day as your slave.
“if you’re not in a coffin, you come to work. your problems are none of my concern…”
i have this kind of boss…how fucking awesome right?
i didn’t think he was joking but i am no longer his right hand man cos i quit ahhahaahha
so you know.. like… now you’re the manager and boss,
well, you gotta live by what you preach man…

you ain’t in no fucking coffin yet so you go to work
cos everything is your own doing. lmfao
you choose the workers, you did the rosters and you shaped the people
and you are the mother fucking WIN of that place cos YOU OWN IT (as you like to shove this fact to all of our faces if your mood decides this is warranted)

so.
you know
……..

do your superman thing…ahahahhahahaha

however
i did like the fact that the boss doesn’t really want to approach me anymore in fear i give him a piece of my mind like last time
lmfao…i will not hesitate to give it to him again.

anyway it doesn’t matter
i’m going to apply for a job at starbucks now because
i just want to fucking irritate my boss HAHAHAHAAHAHH

Filed under: Uncategorized

sore

fuck his shit
it’s been 4-5 days and i still hardly had a decent sleep
loss weight
cannot eat
fucking neck n ribs sore
muscle contraction thingy happening at my abdomen and it’s all pain pain pain
my head also pain pain pain
and i sometimes feel like i’m in the south pole when i shouldn’t have to..

i am going insane…………….
I NEED TO SLEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPp

normally by now
i’d be cranky but somehow i am so tired i don’t even have time to be cranky but i am wondering why i am not sleeping…and cannot sleep or fall asleep

gonna go on rampage soon
and at best tomorrow
will go down to the doctor n ask for more medicine.

fuck i also have to go ultrasound my knee joint and hopefully don’t need to MRI that fucker…

you know i think the amount of money invested in my health is probably enough to buy me a house.

Filed under: Uncategorized