5 days till freedom

yea that’s right!! 5 more days to freedom…
well i can only hope but hopefully it won’t be a illusion cos i might suffer from delusional attacks and then end up in hospital cos this time i would be really and severely crushed…if i find out..i have to endure the boot camp treatment again.

5 days.

just let me believe that in 5 days i will get a little break - away from boot camp and that when 5 days is over, all i have to worry is assignments, 5k essays and dissertations and shit like that…and of course short listing jobs pertaining and related to my degree…

5 days for me to believe that i will get a break…..please..don’t let it fuck in my face…
i think i earned this break….-___-”

btw things have happened but because i am too lazy and it wasn’t that significant enough to commit to memory or maybe because too fubar, so i decide to “delete” that memory….so the few things i can remember

1) i picked up $20 rofl
2) i am currently very sick..it’s like after mouth infection i think i might have something of a minor blood poisoning because it’s like i’ve became even more ill..no surgery this week cos it has been postpone because of this fubar 5 day week that is coming…..pls…let me survive it cos i really need the $$$$
3) found more shit to buy in gucci..it is really affordable ok..i am not even joking….

on the issue #3, today i was at the shops with my friends. she wanted to go fix her CK watch at only authorized dealers and omfg…there was only 1 [remember the flattery post? well we bumped into said person just walking out of queen's arcade and omfg...that dude used to work for the chch's branch..what are the oddss and he just gave us a free consultations so we can get it sorted on monday should we choose to go back again] and tralalala

*bag snob alert!!!!*
trotted off to gucci to oogle at the season’s latest but they look like water durable bags..u know the plastic-ky shiny coats…i was like.. no.. i still like vintage [ i think only LV can satisfy that but the thing is there are far too many asians carrying both real and fake LVs so i don't want to be associated with either - cos if it's real, ppl rob me as crime rate seems to be increasing for azn and then if it's fake, n other ppl spot it i will be embarrassed...so...it's a catch-22 situation so i might as well go for something else that is not too common and yet not to showy cos i always mistake gucci and oroton [from afar] hehehehehe and oroton is alright but i dun like cos then it looks like the brown coach and argh…i don’t really fancy coach…]

i did see something that would look really good on casey…lolol the chunted messenger bag ok..but it’s going at about $1.5k … so maybe i’d like to spend that kinda moolah on myself i guess~~~ *tehehehe* the problem is how am i going to get the bag i like for the year into the house without

getting my ass busted and shellings from my nearest and dearest…

lolololol….anywayz…..

lolololol random ppl added me on msn..i was like…lol wtf is this? i dun use my msn much these days except to receive msgs and instructions from cousin bout what to buy and send etc….you know..sale season..might as well make the most of it..btw i hate shoes in new zealand…they are fucking ugly……i wished we had more variety..but again it’s just me..cos i can’t wear shoes with shit soles…i need them to be ergonomically fitted…cos back problems and etc..etc..and cos i am fussy la..i do a lot of walking and i don’t want hurting feets…..but again la..there is no price for vanity except death…and i rather die than not look good while wearing the most chunted pointy shoes~~~

lololol and oh yea so my friend was trying to find a reason to justify her purchase..mine was because i work like hell and have no time to buy anything so when i do the once a week i don’t even bother to look at price if i just feel like buying….she goes..wtf…that’s why la..u keep working so can save $$$$ but i was like..what’s the point of working until dying when u cannot spend money that u cannot take to grave??? it’s blood money, ok???? and then the sales dude was like laughing his ass off…

yea bro…shaddup cos u get branded clothes for like 10% of the RRP because of your staff discount…but poor ppl like me pay RRP..and plus i need to go buy some undies…do you think cotton on body is alright? cos i only wear elle mcpherson and stuff they sell at bendons….. : D i think they do look good tho…esp some of the cotton on stuff..i mean..they are trashy but this is for inside..who is going to see as long as they support it right…plus… they look good enough for me to wear transparent white shirt or just a poker vest on~~ weeeee but it’s far too cold for that..

anyway i am sick and i am bored because my brain cannot function and i am again off to sleep once i hit the publish button`~~~`

btw i am thinking going to the french cafe to have dinner with a few girlfriends [lol yuki and lahling~~ rofl rofl] to try it out before i take my darling bf : D hahahaha any recommendations as for food in particular? i’m a bad person when it comes to ordering - i don’t think of the order or how the entrees would compliment the mains and sides and just order what i want to eat which could be a disaster…but then my mood depicts what i want to eat..game food like rabbit and veal…. not really my cup of tea -____-”

but nvm la~~~~~ maybe i can start writing better post with pixs….lmao…
i know i know..i keep saying i wanna put up for photos but i have this bad habit - load up on facebook or i just email out to whoever who asks for it and that’s bout it….

and btw wtf…since when AU using gmail to host their webmails?? WTFWTFWTFFF where’s all my old crap??? i store my past assignments there ok?

bed time…my snooze pills are kicking in…

-___-” why does it hurt…

hmm..

today is a rare day that i can actually get off because

1) my mouth hurts like a bitch

2) i think my boss is severely overstaffed and as a high paid member of the team i opted for self voluntary unpaid leave [ actually didn't feel like wasting my time and getting all emoed and all worked up over crazy ppl and also cos my teeth hurts like fuck and i can no longer bring myself to smile anymore]

ok

what has been happening..

the time is approaching fast where i have to narrow down job selections and actually reply the fucking confirmations for appointments [ see i am the worst self PA ]and sort out my uni stuff and appeal and also fucking make up my mind what to do and also go bug my soon to be tutor…omg….i have a feeling i’m going to be needing more headache medicines what with his drive for education….

in the last 6 months, i’ve had had 3 pay rises - all of which, upon lookin back now isn’t even that tempting because of health related reason. i talked to chuuchuu bout it last nite - i think i must conceed that i cannot be too greedy when it comes to money at the expense of my health..it looks like i’ve to decline the latest offer..you know it isn’t much but heck….for someone with minimal expense…it’s good stuff ok..and plus i think i’ve spent it on a lot of junk that i dun need and that makes my bf frown…and to say that the look on his face was priceless when i showed him my bank acc with what i didn’t buy last 2 weeks and how much i’d have saved really made him impressed….[eh..i know how to save ok? it's just that sometimes i need to buy stuff to justify my ummm.... therapy.]

let’s see it..the last few months triggered my depression that i thought was under control again [actually it has never disappeared..it just that against my better judgment and my bf's desire for me to go on less medication and try a more natural approach and healthier lifestyle that made me choose to stop medication and work out this mental challenge.... but alas... the "stress" accumulated at work brought upon uhh..undesired outcomes..

- i've become very anti social - the fact that i don't even stay on msn longer than 10 mins says a lot [plus i accidently fall asleep and i will wake up at 4 and doze on n off and then just wait for the pain or anxiety to pass....] and i think i was bordering psychopathic tendencies in the emo dept - i get paranoid easily ,i cry easily and i feel anger and hatred and then i feel subdued and then i feel nonchalant and then i go all i don’t give a fuck and gungho and then back to bubbly annoying self … and i can sit there with this amount of headache with or without verbal rage

**[btw i just saw akira and i can actually relate to the extend of his headaches but i don't have the oh-so-awesome kinetic powers]** and i think the amount of painkillers i go through is back to the point where if i tell someone i am not addicted to painkillers, they wouldn’t believe me but come on..the pain is so bad - what with the coupling power of my 4 fucking wisdom tooth that is growing everyday…

sometimes i wonder what happened to me along the way

i’m avoiding my parents because of a not so long ago rift
i’m avoiding my good friends sometimes because i wish i can tell them of things i am thinking and how i am feeling without them passing on to me how i should be stronger and how all of this i brought upon myself..and none of this is anyone fault and shit just happen and i am sick and this isn’t an excuse and i know i am strong but i need a little help along the way….
how i wish they can understand but in the end it is futile because i know they care and they want me to try it the hard way but sometimes without medication, things can go very wrong

edit:

oh btw my surgery is next week - w0000peeee and i am going to be broke hahahahahaha
i getting all of them taken out and today i just came back from dentist just like 1 hr ago and omfg…DENTIST ARE LIARSSssssssssss they tell u not pain but then they stick a big fat ass needle up the gums and poke n prod it with anesthetics and and and IT HURTTTTSSSSSSSSSSssssssssss…and yea…i just made everyone at waiting room am scared..cos i screamed so loud…*meoowww meowww** i hear pussyy…. -__-”

and now i am on medication like nobody’s business…i think i can qualify and buy the mon - sun pill box..and then crank it all up one shot…. my bf’s dad is laughing at me..cos i take more meds than he does and he’s like 60++ man… wtf

i give up…guess my contract wll have to end earlier rofl

it doesn’t matter

it doesn’t matter what i say

no longer does it matter whether it’s right or wrong

but the point is - it won’t matter come a few weeks time

cos nobody has to care

and best of all

i don’t need to care how i should answer a question or how i should go about asking so called “dumb” question that could seem perfectly fine to me. HAHAHAHAHA

really and i don’t even need to care whether i should answer a question on how u want to hear it or should i answer truthfully and then look like an idiot to u but seem perfectly fine to me

really i don’t care  cos it doesn’t matter cos hopefully in a few weeks time,

things have changed.

casey,

i am. perhaps. and could possibly be. free

from 60 hours a week

and dam i’d finished that whole bottle of riesling to myself if i wasn’t on restrained.

new game

i have joined the legion of the very person i said i abhor when i am not getting the attention i need.
yeap.say hello to DIABLO III bab3h..

maybe not with inclusion i wont’ feel so stinking left out *weeheeeeeeeee*

eh eh eh it’s not like i’ve not played this before…
i mean richard was fucking fanatic back in 2002/2003 and all he did all day was bloody diablo and cow level until even the cow went home also…and left me and adason and able and tommy in front of the stupid box….haiz…

so yea

but this time it looks great cos this timeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i am included *muahahaha*
yes yes..this is a plan to con me into playing so i dun nag nag nag like a fucking old hag bout how much time he spends on computer than on me.

rofl

: D

on the other note been playing cat and mouse game at work.. hopefully only 2 more weeks and then  i can cabuttteeedddd : D bwahahahaha really la….women chefs are like fucking anal like that..i  mean sure la … gotta act like a man but if you are a woman then be the bloody women in the kitchen lo..why so much drama arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr??? i mean men chefs are kinda bad too cos u know there was this guy i used to work with for like free lance and he’d treat his bloody kitchen like bootcamp but if u dun have smart comeback u eat shit la..but that was unprofessional..right now kitchen and front house is like 2 cm apart with an invisible border…

omfg…wanna pull a hissy fit..haiz..lucky u r good at wat u do so i have some ounce of respect lingering somewhere..if not i prob would just ignore u and keep pissing u off..but then again i try not to piss u off but then again i could just be taking the piss just to piss the fuck out of u cos i know how much u love having me around BWAHAHAHAHA

yea well who cares……i really don’t…

only when you are attached

that is when other guys will hit on you

and when you are least expecting it hahaha the last people you think that will hit on you does and it just makes your day at the flattery even tho it isn’t possible…..

i feel almost old and worn out and yet this person who sees me everyday like that - me not even realising ar… can think i look good enough to want to ask out

hahaha but it’s ok cos my own bf assures me everyday that he loves me the best and most and therefore this is just extra bonus.

come on, girl gotta enjoy flattery once in a while where it is least expected, no?

btw things have been shaping up to a weird start.
i started working with 2 anal ocd ish people. as if, one wasn’t enough but now there’s 2..sigh..my shelf life has fallen significantly… and i am back on medication to prevent any shit. see see..any more severe mind fucks i am really going to die here…. but it’s mind fuck like this that i can’t tolerate la…

umm other than that, i wish i had more time to fucking shoppppppppppppppppppppppppppp and hk is a no go now cos all leave got cancelled due to mid july investment on a go.

well at least i can get something from singapore if all goes well *teheheh*

full of shit

this, to date, is my summary of what F&B or hospitality is about in this country. IT DOESN’T REPRESENT ALL but heck it does sum up what i feel.

people forget hospitality isn’t an easy ind. people - staff and customers can be your best friend, or that bitch from hell….
yea the NIGHTMAREs…esp for ppl like me doing 6 am starts..the last thing i need on an early shift is an asshole to come in and be, the asshole that they can be even in their sleep. fine. they pay my wages and i chose the job - but i just wanted to see how it would be like. well customers come n go - the sale has ended after the transactions. if some ppl wish and feel that they belong and they come back and they adapt to us and we blend and adapt to them, we have a mutual agreement and tada~~ red carpet service..if not everyone gets the cheap red carpet service…. but nvm la..customers are random ppl..so cannot choose right? as long as they get the money rolling and u keep up the act, then good work.

here comes the full of shit part

1) people forget how crap it is to start from the bottom, don’t they? or is it because that is the rite of passage thus they treat everyone after them the same..i mean this abuse has got to stop somewhere???
2) ppl get arrogant when they start to reach somewhere close to the top or just become owners

3) hospo ppl can be fucking anal and ocd it isn’t funny.
ie.

if you don’t ask the right questions [like seriously word for word, or even if u miss one] they become so fucking anal when u fuck up cos they will say - u didn’t ask the right questions. i mean what the fuck is wrong with you people?

or
if you don’t do things they want you to, they pull you aside and lambast you with shit like “this is my shop/management and there is only 1 way - MY WAY” [me, myself and i and they don't pay you enough to be their lapdogs..wtf]

4) forget how hard the work can get and how physically and mentally demanding it can be and yet still wanna add more stress and keep up the machoism ? what the fuck does this look like to  you? the fucking mafia?

ok look here, i ain’t saying i am perfect but this is a job where we cannot really afford to be anything but direct and also keep in mind politeness. … that’s why i got a problem with some headchef - sure u r the headchef but being headchef means u fucking know everything and if there isn’t anyone, you are it. if u got a problem with floor staff then address it. not pass off fucking so called patronizing or sarcasm. it is old and it is also not fair if u dun like it yet u refuse to do shit bout it. omg..stop being a martyr for fuck’s sake. unless of course, u really have a secret sadism for being patronizing..if that gives u a high, lol…

u seriously are full of shit.

i am feeling them blues again

so i am feeling them blues again.
i don’t know what it is or why it is but it really is puzzling me out.

am i normal?

am i weird?
am i even ok?
is this even supposed to be happening?

why make things so complicated? given i am human and even more i am of the female species…why must it be so hard?
-____-”

why is it so hard la..with all these imbalances?????
perhaps i feel that because of this mood i am driving a lot of people away from me…

alright then.
nothing much to report other than me waking up almost everyday at ungodly hours to start work at those hours..i think its because my life is becoming boring…and at work i am like a completely different person - like i have no soul..but it’s alright. this isn’t something new…
and at work i am dealing with another problem - i have become responsible for some people - which is a dam fucking nightmare cos that person
1) no exp
2) not even an ounce of expression that said person wants to do this..and it isn’t hard..i mean how is it to greet someone? given, the boss is anal bout everything but i am the buffer between heaven and hell for him..why can’t he just listen to simple instructions? i even written it out for him…both in english and spanish.. and why is that other people can start at the time in the roster and leave at the time of the roster whereas people like me have to always put in extra initiative - be the first there and be the last to leave? i mean this isn’t corporate work - heck office people can leave when their times are up..me i’m still there..from dawn to dusk..

i don’t really want that kind of life but i guess it will have to do until the end of this year because this is wat i have “committed” but my sleeping hours are really fucked as of now…
and my mood..it is as irrational as it gets..i am literally stoned out..

what became of the last $2

my friend came back up from windy city and so spontaneously we met up.

we did the whole 3 meals a day minus the breakfast part because we are all like that - do not and will not wake up for none official reasons.
official reasons being
1) cannot help but need to wORK/school/public&final exams
2) funerals
3) mother force to go to church/temple/community centre/yumchar
4) *insert dire consequences if one doesn’t wake up for parental events*

i can safely say if i can’t be fuck i won’t wake up for school either on some days *muahaha*
i’d stay home and watch tv and eat ice cream and cereals and instant noodles all day and go back to sleep until 4 pm.

so anyway

lunch, dinner, supper
fuck i am so fucking full.

secondly
what become of the last $2? it became $160. HAHAHAHAHA
we were just mucking around in the casino and we are really nubs ok..i seriously don’t know how to win but we ended up with ppl coaxing us to go play this and that..and i was like..i don’t live in the casino ok? i’m just here to shy away from the cold : D and so we ended up meeting a hk lookaline younger version of 方中信 : D but hahaha dun care la..i got bored of poker table and was fallin asleep…was really looking at people throwing money into table but oh well..ZZzzz cos warm and cosy and quiet area…

so we went back down to the pokies and added what was our final and desolute chance…having no absolute hope of winning it. we won something and in an array of disbelief became total blondes cos we dunno how to take out the money

rofl rofl rofl

XD

but oh well..it was exciting la..and ate so much until our little stomachs feel like bursting out of our skin..
dam nice eye candies tonight. the first one was the 方中信 lookalike at the poker table and then the second one was a guy, i’d prefer if he didn’t open his mouth..cos he really looks good but he really does sux…

my friend and i had, a very very good day indeed XDDDDDD

seriously, being someone who really doesn’t like the casino for most of it’s inhabitants i think you can’t blame the bitch who was working there..so nasty…ok fine..so we wanted to change $6…and yea it’s only $6 and how the hell do i know that i can only get change in $2?? i mean..do i look like i am there? lolol and you see noobs with THAT little money..do u really need to be nasty? but dun care la…we were grinning like idiots on the way back..NAH here’s what our $6 became..$160. 10 fold babeh…yush.. i couldn’t contain my laughter as we were real casino nubs…

haiz…
will remember la today but you know…i feel really say i didn’t get to buy that chain..it looked dam nice and it was only $28…haiz…

XDDDD

denny’s kinda sux..food is alright…but in the end, the service was so so la….

ish….
i went to try on some wigs and hot dayymnnn i must say i look like a dam good lookin tranny : D hahaha my friend was like angers korean mum HAHAHAAHAHAHAH pixs on my facebook but it won’t be out for a while : D until my bf stop getting nightmares XD

and i think it’s bed time now cos i was out all day and i am very tired…

i got conned to work again..shit…

to liberty

and beyond…

omgomgomgomg…

i really hope this plan to liberty WILL work and tada~~~~~~

FREEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…

well not quite but at least very much happier…le sigh : D

how’s your weekend guys?
yday was dumpling season but dun care la.. i went out and had fun and weeeeee XDDDD it was fun k? esp nighty nite time : D

yep

i lost it edi..talking like this means i did another one of those crazy ass..benders and my head hurts…but no matter…in the moment of no regrets and absolutely no fucking remorse

it feels…great to really no longer give a fuck

blogging for other people

ok i’m too lazy and tired to do this and i have just finished a tremendous week. my hours are going to be increasing sky rocket as i plummet myself into unnecessary worrying and and stress and being pressure and constantly being told and mimicked and verbally abused to use my brains.i’ll tell you bout it in a second but first, lemme blog for a few people.

1) chynwey is pissed cos this is the 2nd gig on his hols he’s done and nothing EVER GOES SMOOTHLY in the event when he isn’t in charge!! right man? : D hehehehehe

2) dougie gone paintballing agen

3) riatsala gone bonkers and pffting

4) this blog owner lost the plot.’

//end blogging for other’s….

ok la.

i wish i could say a lot of unhappy things but i can’t. let’s just say i hit the pinnacle yday and i cracked. i really did. why would anyone be so fucking damned petty about

1) browning of scones in the oven

2) fucking bread [i wish i could take out teh slices and throw it at you slices by slices as you open your mouth to utter every petty little thing you can think of because it gives u the greatest orgasm ever you stupid fucking cunt]

and that’s about it.

freelance jobs are good. cos the pay is higher the sanity is kept level and of course, the people are nicer and you are NEVER EVER gonna see them more than 7 days in a row day in day out. yippeeee…

in times like this, u need a few dam things

1) good food

2) good music

3) alcohol.

and yea

i cried my eyes out yday due to frustration and tiredness and i simply CANNOT BELIEVE the..bullshit.

please don’t ask me why i am still working at this place. i know it’s because i haven’t won the battle yet - as in, i haven’t actually made the boss PISSED OFF enough and probably….i really feel like making him eat his words then move on…. the time is coming soon….